suddenly anxious

I got an unexpected call just now and suddenly I'm a little bit scared. There is a little pocket of air flittering about nervously in my chest. I have a choice, Steve says that is what makes people anxious. Funny really, I always think of choice as a good thing, but it's scary too. Anyway the call was from Anusara, Inc. I applied for a Graphic Design position there a few weeks ago and now they have called for an interview. It's not like I really have a choice yet, just the possibility of a choice. It's weird to think I might not be doing what I thought I was going to be doing in the next couple of months and then I could be doing exactly what I'm doing and if I'm unhappy about it, it would be all my fault, because I had a choice, and I chose this. I sometimes feel that at my current job I am on the cusp of contentment. I will probably have my own space before Christmas. Most of the campus respects my talent and seeks my services. I have friends. I know people. I am just starting to get comfy. I don't want to be too comfy though. I look at the people around me that have been there forever, and I know I don't want to be them. This is all they will ever be, they will never grow or stretch or learn more or expand their vision beyond what the see now, what they have always seen.

Ok, moving on to distract myself and calm my nerves a bit, happy news: I might just have a new friend. Jill, I like her. I have found things about us that are similar and so now I think I am searching them out. (She has inspired me to take up blogging again.) She and I both want to hike the Appalachian Trail, not just want to but maybe even need to. We both carry tea in our bags. We are both visual artist. We both connect with nature. Today I wanted to ask her what her middle name was because if it starts with an M then our initials would have been the same before I got married, but that's just a little too much like obsessive stalky weirdness to actually say out loud. Anyway, time will tell if she become a true friend or just something interesting that flits through this moment in life.

I'm reading His Dark Materials trilogy. I'm on the last book, The Amber Spyglass. I like them. I have decided something about fantasy novels: I only really like them if they exist in my world. It seems that if they create the possibility of magic here, in the world I live in then I can live in that world too. That's what pulls me into the Harry Potter books or these books more than books like The Lord of the Rings, which I loved, but takes place in a world that will never really exist to me no matter how well the author creates it, because I don't experience it. I know I can never go to Isengard, but I know that if I go to London and find Platform 9 3/4 that I can take a train to Hogwarts, that just behind the veil of my known world is another one.

My stuff:

I am in love with the artist/illustrator Jen Corace right now. (Her image up top.) I can't get her out of my head. I saw the image of the fox and the cardinals and didn't realize it was going to stick to me so I didn't think to remember the artist's name or bookmark the site and then days later I was scrambling though sites trying to retrace my steps and find it. I finally did.

I love listening to the RadioLab podcasts.

I also just finished a lynda.com training on Photoshop CS3: Creative Techniques for Photographers with Chris Orwig. I love being able to sit a home with a pug in my lap and a cup of tea and have access to such good in-depth training. I really liked this particular training title, and I think it was mostly because of the trainers ability to teach. I didn't get weary listening to him. I felt his passion for photography and learning and it made me want to do more.